I felt very lost for most of my life. Due to the reality I had experienced in childhood, I made choices to shut down my innate gifts and exist in isolation where I felt I could be more safe. In this isolation however, it was even harder to recognize love. It was more difficult to exist in a world where I did not know how to open myself up to the support I so needed.
For a greater part of my life it seemed as though I was always 'running'. I moved out of my Mom's house at the age of 14 and then moved out of the next location (my Dad's) as soon as I graduated high school. I always worked 1-3 jobs- thinking that I must suffer and 'work hard' to survive. I numbed my insecurities with any substance I could experiment with, and this was nothing new to me. It was a skill I had learned to master from a very young age.
It began with self harm in middle school and substance abuse in high school. I was 14 when I went to my first party and smoked my first cigarette and from then on I ran off, into the darkness- meeting all of the lessons that would enrich my life today.
I continued on like this for many years, doing anything I could to receive love and fit in. I began to collect archetypes that weren't my own, experiment with various ways to numb my pain and seek temporary comfort in toxic and abusive relationships. All the while, never letting anyone get too close to me- because that's how I learned to feel safe.
I began down my spiritual path and awakening around 2012. This is when I began to notice the soft voices within guiding me, but I still felt lost, as if there was something missing,
In 2018 I had completed a yoga teacher training in the jungles of Costa Rica. This broke me OPEN to so much truth, but when I came home to my isolated life, I slipped into another level of darkness. I went back into the party scene to numb and avoid my pain.
This catalyzed a huge wakeup call at the end of 2018. When I started to see the ways in which I was sabotaging the world around me- I had to get out and dedicate myself to something more.
I eventually met a few amazing friends who showed up and just LOVED me. This is what gave me the courage to leave the party life and stay home. This 'staying home' happened in a literal sense, but it also allowed me a chance to be home in my body for the first time in a while. I know this was what I needed, but sitting with everything was intense, painful and honestly really scary.
There is a Universe of information within our own bodies, and I had no idea where to start contemplating first. Since I chose to leave partying with no easing out of it, I began to experience a multitude of health issues all at once- chronic fatigue, crippling anxiety, deep dark depression, anemia and the list goes on. I personally believe this was a signaling from my body. Now that I was in a safe environment, it was time to sift through the collection of things that were ready to be released.
I was really hurting at this time. I needed so badly for someone to help me- but it seemed that I had to contemplate this one on my own. I didn't know how I'd survive... I just kept following the signs, grasping on to hope and believing that there was someone out there who could one day hear my prayers.
And sure enough-- that's when Human Design found me.
I discovered Human Design on a podcast and continued down the path of self-study. It felt like the missing link. Finally! A system that acknowledges that I am in fact, one of a kind. Everything I discovered continued to make so much sense to me- not just for myself, but in the observations of those around me too.
I went on to use this system for all of the deep healing that was ready to be seen. Understanding the language of Human Design helped me to confront the truth (in more ways than one)-
Healing Childhood Wounding
Mending Family Relationships
Leaving Toxic/Unaligned Environments
Breaking Down Constructs of my Mind
Healing My Physical Body
Transforming My Gut Health/Digestion
Self Love/Body Positivity
Deepening My Relationships
Remembering/Mastering My Innate Gifts
Greater Empathy/Compassion for All
Healthy Decision Making
Reconnection to my Intuition
Reclaiming my Sovereignty....
and I'll stop there, because I could go on forever!!
I am humbled by the expansion I was able to achieve with Human Design guiding me. And now, I am here shining a beacon. As a wisdom keeper of this information, it is my hope to enrich your life just the same. This system is incredibly deep, but the depth and frequency of how we each experiment with it will always shift from person to person, soul to soul.
If you are already in your experiment, I want you to know that there is no one way to digest this information- only the way that is meant for YOU. I encourage everyone to make this system their own and have fun with it. Discover the messages that are supporting your heart, and leave anything else in the dust. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not 'experimenting right', because there is only the right way for YOU.